Brokeback Bear

Writing my most recent post, about the movie Grizzly Man, reminded me of one of my all-time favorite jokes.

(If you haven't read the previous post, I suggest you scroll down and do so now. I suspect it'll make this joke even funnier.)

So, this guy retires after forty years on the job. But after a few months hanging around at home, he feels bored and depressed. He confesses this to a friend.

"Look," the friend tells him, "You need fresh air, exercise, and something to do. I've got a cabin in Maine. Why don't you go up there for a few weeks and do some duck hunting?"

The guy agrees. He arrives at the cabin. Early the next morning, he takes his buddy's shotgun and sets out for a nearby lake. Along the way, he spots a huge bear sauntering through the woods.

Well, he thinks, why go for duck when I can bag a bear? So he takes aim and blasts both barrels.

To the guy's astonishment, the buckshot merely angers the bear. With an almighty roar, the bear turns around and charges the guy. Grasping him with his claws, the bear bends him over a tree stump and says, "Gonna shoot me, huh? Think you're a big man, huh?"

Then the bear pulls down the guy's pants and anally rapes him.

The guy staggers home. He's angry and humiliated. (Not to mention surprised at encountering a bear who speaks English.)

Determined to punish the bear, the guy searches his friend's cabin and finds an M16. The next morning, he sets out into the woods and sees the bear. The guy empties a magazine into the bear, full-auto, but once again it has little effect, and once again the bear runs him down and bends him over a stump.

"So, you didn't learn your lesson, huh? Still think you're gonna kill me, huh?" says the bear, preparatory to ass-raping the guy once more.

The guy limps back to the cabin, weeping in rage and frustration. This time he finds a bazooka.

Morning comes and the guy stalks through the woods. There's the bear. He fires a rocket at the animal. It explodes in a tree over the bear's head.

The bear bellows and starts running after the guy. After a long chase the bear corners him.

This time, though, the bear puts his arm around the guy's shoulders and looks deep into his eyes.

"This isn't about hunting, is it?" he asks.

Comments

I was looking for this joke. I heard a guy tell it at a comedy show. It was hilarious!

I was looking for this joke. I heard a guy tell it at a comedy show. It was hilarious!