Rubbing Up Against Ralph

Taking time out from the "Canadian Fun Facts" theme to return to the "Celebrity Encounters" theme. When I was winding down the latter theme, I just KNEW I was forgetting a significant encounter, and a couple of days ago the following episode bobbed to the top of the memory hole. While it doesn't involve a substantive conversation with the celeb in question, it does involve intimate physical contact . . .

The Date: Sometime in '99 or 2000

The Place: London

There's a private club called Two Brydges on (naturally) Brydges Place, a narrow alley between St Martin's Lane and Chandos Place. It's not a fancy, exclusive establishment in the Soho House style, but rather a couple of floors in an old London rowhouse where members and their guests can get drinks or a meal or book a room for what the Brits call "a private function." Being in the heart of the West End theatre district, the club was also known to be frequented by the odd Brit show-biz celeb.

I don't know exactly what was required for membership, but a couple of my British co-workers were members, and when I was working in my then-company's London office, I'd get an occasional invite "to the club" for lunch. The club's kitchen turned out very good salmon fishcakes.

After one such lunch, my companions and I were going down the narrow, winding staircase to the street when we encountered two people coming up. One of them was Ralph Fiennes. The other was a spectacularly attractive young woman who, my companions told me later, was a well-known model, but her name escapes me.

Now, the staircase was only about 30 inches wide--if that. There was no way for our two parties to pass abreast (abreast, huh huh huh), especially because of my, er, ample physique, and we had met up at about the midway point on the stairs, making it difficult for either group to either back up to the top or back down to the bottom of the staircase to let the other group pass.

After a wordless little ballet of a few seconds' duration, my companions and I turned to the wall and pressed ourselves against it to allow Ralph and his companion to continue their ascent to the dining room. (I guess it's just assumed that celebs have the right-of-way in these situations.) The space was still so narrow, however, that Ralph & companion had to also turn against the wall and kind of wriggle up past us. I caught a glimpse of Ralph's face as he did so, and he definitely didn't look happy with the situation. So. briefly, we were all buttocks-to-buttocks, and I could feel Ralph's taut posterior against mine. With the logjam (buttjam?) cleared, my companions and I descended to the street, awed by our literal brush with greatness.

Hmmm . . . as I write this and think back on the episode I think I may be confusing my Fiennes . . . was it Ralph or Joseph on the stairs? I honestly can't remember, but it was one of them, definitely, and "Rubbing Up Against Joseph" doesn't have the alliteration of "Rubbing Up Against Ralph."

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